Wow, it's been so long since I updated my journal here, and I guess it hurts for me to start it with a rant.

I've been talking to my mom about my plans in life. She said she'll go with my plan, and stupid me actually believed her. WOW freak, I actually did. BUt this evening I just realized something; that it's not them to start it, it's actually up to you to take the first step. Isn't that cool or what?! Yeah it freakin' is. I can't believe I'm acting like a total stupid wuss about it for these past few days. Sure sure sure, yeah. 'Supportive' as they say. I'm so angry with myself!! I'm so angry that I wanna cry. What's wrong with me I feel so stupid. Wait, I actually am. I actually feel infuriated with myself because I feel so stuck here. The ways are just simple: its either you run away from it all or face the obstacles. I don't know which path I'm going to take because I'm so tired of the lies that I'm hearing. At one point they make you REALLY excited that you want to go to the highest building in your country and shout the reason why you're so totally happy and then the other thing they take their words back. I really feel so stupid for actually believing for a few hours that HEY OMG ITS FINALLY HERE but NO. the thing is they only want you to believe what you want to believe and it's stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. I'm feed up. I want to do something but I can't. INstead I'm crying myself out here. I really want to do something but I can't. I'm so stuck here.

I'm so stuck.

Someone help me out.